Dear Marsha,
I had this dream on Thanksgiving morning. There were lots of family issues going on because of the holiday and this dream threw me for a loop amidst the chaos. If you post it, please don’t use my name because I’m embarrassed about it. But I would like to have your input. Here are some background information about my real life that might help in understanding the dream.
The guy in my dream was a guy I only went out with once in my past. It was many, many years ago, in high school. I was always secretly in love with this guy back in high school, but we never really dated. We liked each other as friends, but I think our shyness, and the timing, kept us from being together. I’ve forgotten about him for the most part. I’ve since married and have four children. He is also married with children and lives in a different state. It’s rare (maybe once every two years) that I even think of him, and that’s always because of some reminder that triggered the thought. There’s been nothing recently to bring him to mind. So out of the blue, I dreamed about him like this. What is going on?
Here’s the dream:
I was with my old love. Together, we were watching a big game of some sort. I had a hoodie on, and he sat next to me with his arm around me, holding me close. I started intensely telling him I wish we’d gotten together years ago. I know he is sad for my sadness, and also a little that it didn’t work out for us, but he doesn’t know what to say. I know he’s thinking of his wife and kids. I know this is the life that he has is the life he chose, and still wants. I think of my own kids and husband, and know I’d not give them up, either. I say, “But, I wouldn’t change anything now.”
I want to be perky and happy, so he’ll enjoy being with me. Especially since I could tell I was making him uncomfortable. But I start sobbing in grief and can’t stop. I get up and go to the rest room to pull myself together. When I come back, determined to keep a happy face, he’s gone. I can’t find him.
I wake up.
L.L.
Hi L.L., Marsha here!
I won’t even use your real initials, but I’m glad you sent this in. It’s a great one to look at.
I’ve prayed and believe this is not at all about this guy. Here are some reasons I believe this:
1. I don’t believe this is a Soul Dream about you desiring this guy. Remember, a Soul Dream is a dream created from your own Soul, which is your mind, will, and emotions.
a. your Mind (the paradigm through which you view the world);
b. your Will (your wants and ambitions);
c. your Emotions (your love, fears, hurts).
I don’t believe this dream is a Soul dream about you desiring this guy because of the information you have given me of your past, and current situation. You are NOT still thinking about him a lot. You are NOT obsessing about him. Instead, he was in the past. If this were a Soul dream, there would most likely be some ongoing emotional issues you were having about this guy.
2. Often, in dreams, a person will be in the dream because of the meaning of his name. But, since the Lord placed it on your heart to describe the guy in the dream by relationship, not by name (in fact…you never even gave me his name} I believe this dream is not at all about his name. If it were, the Lord would have placed in you a need to give me his name. The Holy Spirit has a way of putting in our recitations of dreams the part that is important.
Therefore, I believe the guy in the dream is representative of your relationship with him. And, unlike most healthy relationships, I believe the guy represents an unrequited relationship – or to rephrase that: this is representing relationships that is not what you desire them to be.
Let’s look at the symbols:
Guy secretly in love with from the past – represents an old ‘love’ – probably not representative of a romantic love but of a great desire of your heart. The beloved relationship may be with a mother, father, sibling, (especially since the dream happened at Thanksgiving time – a time of family issues), or a friend.
Never got together with the love – an unrequited desire of your heart
Watching big game – in looking at life
Hoodie on – feelings have been hidden
Crying – grieving over it
He is sad for me and for us – the other person sees the distress in this relationship with you and is sad about it also
Interpretation:
I believe this dream is telling you that you are going through a time of looking at relationship(s) that are unrequited. I believe these may be family relationships, but not necessarily. It’s saying, once again, you are falling back into a past pattern of grieving desired relationships that aren’t the way you want them. You know the way you want the relationship can’t happen because of circumstances and timing. Still, you are unhealed and express this desire and pain so intensely that it has made it uncomfortable for those you want the relationship with, which causes that person, or them, to avoid you. In other words, your reactions are making matters worse.
I love this dream, because I can relate to it myself, in my life circumstances. We often find our need for love, or relationships embarrassing because we think it means we are not complete in ourselves, which is true. We are all designed by God to only be complete immersed in God’s love.
Why did God give you this dream? I would suggest it might be to help you see an issue more clearly that you are struggling with. Showing it in this oddly personal way can help us see it through different eyes. Possibly God is helping you heal and face relational issues differently.
I would challenge you to ‘lay down’ expectations on whatever relationship issue you are dealing with. Accept the relationship as it is, accepting that person for who they are, and accepting the limitations they have in relating to you. Rethink – speaking to them in that intense way the dream portrays. Accept them as they are. Try to stop grieving things that cannot be. No longer lament over them. Read Ps 36 and Ps 23. Fill relational voids in your life by understanding the depth of God’s love for you.
Heavy stuff. I’ll be praying for you.
Marsha
Readers: This reply was emailed to the dreamer prior to posting. An immediate response from the dreamer was received as follows:
Dear Marsha,
Thank you so much. I guess I should really say thank you to God for giving me this dream. I know exactly what this is about. I have been struggling with some family relationship problems. I now know that I have a responsibility to not insist they fix themselves, but rather to work on my own reaction to it. God bless you.
L.L.
Dear L.L.
I repeat, I can relate very much to this dream, as I’m sure most readers can. I’ll be praying for you.
Marsha